A few years ago, I was standing at the basement door with my hand frozen on the knob. My heart was heavy. I didn’t want to go into the basement. Down there waited all the things that came from Mom’s condo after she died: Dad’s mementos, yearbooks, my children’s trophies, and my boxes of professional books. The dread was crushing.
Why is decluttering, downsizing, and reducing so hard?
For me, stuff often sucks me into the past: “Aw, this was my son’s first baseball glove. This dress belonged to my grandmother. Aunt Jean gave this gift to me. I paid a lot for this item. Or, this is simply too good to give away.” Past thoughts are heavy and sap my energy.
Other thoughts warn me about the future. “I might need this someday. This piece is a collectible and might be worth something. What if the person who gave me this item expects me to use/wear it? What if one of my kids or grandkids wants it someday?” None of these thoughts convey positive energy.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed. My thoughts around stuff keep me from creating the physical space that reflects what I value and most enjoy.
When stuff has you stuck, consider two ways to transcend the heavy thinking about stuff.
Step 1: Focus and Assess Energy. Focus your attention on the item(s). Ask yourself the questions below to assess your feelings and energy around this item. These questions provide clarity because body responses are more honest than our thoughts about the item(s).
Ask:
- How does this item(s) make me feel?
- Is there a spark of pleasure or contentment?
- Do I feel some sadness or heaviness?
- What kind of energy do I feel when I focus on this item(s)?
If an item offers pleasure and contentment, consider using it instead of storing it. If the item feels heavy or elicits dread, your body may be trying to tell you that this item no longer serves you. The dread could also be an indication that emotional healing over past circumstances is needed. Decluttering emotions such as guilt, regret, disappointment, negative thinking, etc. can be addressed with life coaching sessions.
Step 2: Ask new questions when old thoughts arise. Below are common “Yes, but…” responses that arise when trying to declutter and new questions to “try on” to see what energy and ideas emerge.
| “Yes, but…” | New questions to “try on” |
| Yes, but this was my mother’s, son’s, etc. … |
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| Yes, but this was a gift… |
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| Yes, but I paid a lot for this… |
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| Yes, but this is a collectible. It might increase in value. |
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| Yes, but this is too good to give away. |
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| Yes, but I might need this someday. |
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| Yes, but this is on sale. It’s a great buy. |
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| Yes, but I’m dreading this. |
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| Yes, but I’m overwhelmed. Where do I start? |
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| Yes, but I don’t want to throw this away or add it to a landfill. Someone might use it. |
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I used my grandmother’s dining room set for 30 years. She loved it. I loved that she loved it. But 30 years was sufficient. When we moved, I sold the set on Craigslist. A gentleman drove over three hours to get it because it reminded him of his own grandmother’s dining room set. He was more than excited to take it home with him. It tugged at my heart a bit to see the table and chairs go, but I love my new open dining room space. It’s fresh, light, just my style.
